Being a young carer for a parent with an eating disorder: Molly's story

Molly’s experience of childhood was markedly different from most people’s. She and her brother were young carers for her mum, who was unwell with anorexia and sadly passed way from complications caused by her illness in 2014.

‘I didn’t really see anyone who was in a similar position to me, whose mum had anorexia. I remember feeling very alone when I was a carer,’ she says, explaining that she’d often help her mum with things like shopping, cooking and provide emotional support.

‘I can’t really remember a time when she didn’t have anorexia,’ she says, adding that while she officially became a carer for her mum when she was around twelve, she was always aware of her mum’s illness. Molly’s first memory of her mum having to stay in an inpatient unit is when she was in primary school.

‘I can’t really remember a time when she didn’t have anorexia,’ she says, adding that while she officially became a carer for her mum when she was around twelve, she was always aware of her mum’s illness. Molly’s first memory of her mum having to stay in an inpatient unit is when she was in primary school.

‘That had quite a big impact, because you’re then without your mum and going to visit her, and when you go and visit, you see quite a lot of poorly people. That was quite difficult.’

While she has some beautiful memories of life with her mum, and stresses that she knows her mum worked incredibly hard to reduce the impact of her illness on her children, sometimes that was impossible.

‘She worked really hard for it not to impact us, but you can’t help it. It takes over everything and that became a really big part of my life.’

In 2014, when Molly was just sixteen, her worst fear became reality – her mum passed away. At the time, she and her brother were doing their exams. Their lives were turned upside down as they had to find a way to cope with losing their mum, moving homes and going back to school.

‘I don’t think I ever grieved properly or healthily. And I remember afterwards, not getting that much support either,’ says Molly, who has since been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and complex PTSD.

‘It’s a traumatic way to lose someone,’ she explains, adding that she feels support specifically targeted at people who have lost loved ones to an eating disorder would have really helped. ‘I didn’t really know where to go for support.’

Now in her twenties and working for Nottingham University, Molly is bravely sharing her story with Beat in the hopes that she can advocate for more support to be available to children in the same situation. ‘It would have been quite beneficial to have spoken with someone at the time about having those worries your mum would die. That’s not a normal worry for a child,’ she says.

When asked what she’d like to say to others who may be caring for or who have lost a loved one to an eating disorder, she said she wanted to remind them they’re not alone.

‘There is support there, and there’s amazing charities like Beat making sure everyone is supported. You might not be unwell yourself, but you still have a valid experience, and you deserve support.’